Merry Christmas Howard
by AllTimeNatalie
Summary: I suck at summaries but here we go. A Howince Christmas fic but its very angsty and involves drugs, minor alcohol, minor self harm and possible character death. Please don't let it put you off, it's not too bad. :D Merry Christmas everyone. :D


DISCLAIMER: Apparently, there's this thing called copyright which means I don't own Boosh but Noel and Julian do.

SUMMARY: This is basically a Christmas fic but its very angsty and involves drugs, minor alcohol and self harm and possible character death… MERRY CHRISTMAS! Don't let it put you off! :D

TITLE: Merry Christmas Howard

A/N: Sorry for the angst but I felt in an unhappy mood. SORRY FOR THE DEATH but I had to make it work and depending on how you perceive it, he might not die but be very ill. :D

"Where are they? Where are my cigs Howard!" Vince screams, tears welling up in his eyes.

"I threw them out. You don't need them Vince!" He relents and places a firm hand on his hip. Vince lets some of the tears fall as he does into Howard's arms.

"I do 'Oward, I need them! I need them!" Each word is louder then the last and suddenly, Howard doesn't think it was regular tobacco he's smoking. Walking into his and Vince's shared room, he jumps back when the strong smell of Cannabis hits him. "Howard!" Vince yells in a final bid to bring him some sanity back. Howard sighs. Seeing his friend like this breaks his heart and he isn't sure if he can take it anymore. Vince squirms in Howard's firm grip. His eyes become bloodshot and mascara and eyeliner slides down his cheeks in large smudges of makeup. "I need them!" He screams again and again, his stomach jolts up in vast motions, his heart pounds as though it will leap out of his chest.

"Vince, what's happened to you?" Howard whispers and calmly strokes his head. "Shh, its okay, it's okay." Vince's eyes close and he drifts off to sleep. At last… silence. After about an hour, the smaller man opens his eyes and sees Howard. A wide smile spreads onto his lips and he sits up.

"Howard." Vince's vulnerable whisper penetrates Howard's ears so he looks at Vince with widened eyes and hums in response. "Don't let me go." Vince finally sighs after what seems like a lifetime of silence.

"I won't. I promise I won't." Howard grins for the first time that evening. "Go to sleep Vince, maybe this will all just be a dream." Howard soothingly runs a hand through his hair and presses his lips to Vince's forehead.

"Yeah, it's all a dream, it's all a dream." His sleepy voice fades and once more… silence. When morning comes, Howard opens his eyes and finds his lap empty. An empty space is left from where Vince was sprawled all through the night. Yelping, Howard kicks his back into motion as the stiffened bones begin to move. He walks into the bathroom and looks at the rings that run under his eyes.

"Oh God, I do not need this. I could be listening to jazz." He almost silently sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "Vince!" He screams and stumbles sleepily into the living room where he sees a trail of grey, blue and purple smoke emanating from the couch. "Vince." He sighs once more and walks over to him. "I thought you were going to stop it." He places a stubborn hand onto his hip. The room is dark because the tree isn't lit, nor are the reindeer lights Vince put up when he wasn't in this state… about three weeks ago.

"I was but I have to have it. Lighten up a bit Howard, it's only a cigarette." Howard shakes his head, the final straw has snapped and he's in Vince's face spewing venom in his words as they spit at him. Each word dampens his confidence because Vince knows it's true.

"It's not _just _a cigarette though! It's much more than that, its cannabis. You don't think I know the smell? I'm not stupid Vince!" Howard finds his eyes wet with salty, fresh tears. Tears of fury? Tears of pure sadness? He's not sure. It could be a mix of both. "It's not good for you…" Vince stands up and cuts of off with a loud shriek.

"Stop! It's hard. I can't give up. I just can't." Howard pulls Vince into his arms as Vince's tears soak through the cashmere sweater draped over Howard's chest. "I just can't do it." Fumes of vodka and smoke pass into Howard's nose as Vince pulls him closer. "I can't do it." He sobs for a final time before his voice cracks and he can't speak, not cry anymore.

"I know. I know." Howard wonders why he always lets him off. Maybe it's because he's young, he's learning. Maybe it's because it's not his fault, it's an addiction. Maybe it's because he loves him. "Don't worry, you're safe now." He rubs rings into Vince's back. It dawns on him… how thin he is. "Vince, have you been starving yourself?" Vince shakes his head. "Seriously."

"I've just not been hungry… feeling sick I suppose." Howard sighs and pulls him away to look into his wide, tear stalked eyes.

"Oh Vince… why?" Vince shakes his head in confusion. Howard notices as well, the scabbed marks on his wrists and arms. "Self harm as well? You've really hit rock bottom." Vince nods wordlessly. What can he say?

"I needed it. It was like a passion. You know! Like you and jazz. You can't live without jazz." Howard nods… it is a true fact. Jazz makes up half his mind; it's all he thinks about. "It was something my mind craved for, it just told me to keep taking it, keep lighting the cigs." Vince's knees felt weak as they gave in and he fell onto Howard.

"Vince!" Howard shouts and lays him on the floor. "Vince come on, don't do this." Vince feels weak, it seems his limbs are packing in, falling apart, crumbling like Rivita in warm climates.

"H-H-Howard, I think…" Vince stops talking to yell in pain. "I think I might be… fading." Howard shook his head and lifted Vince's with a shaky hand.

"No, no Vince please, don't leave, not so close to Christmas as well… please!" Vince pulls Howard's head closer with the last of his energy and whispers into his hear in a shaky, breathy tone-

"Merry Christmas Howard." After that, his eyes close and his head falls into the same position it was in before.

"No Vince, you were wrong, I can live without jazz, I can't live without you." Howard wails and throws his head to Vince's skeletal chest. "I love you! I love you! So much, I love you. I love you more than anything, more than jazz, more than trumpets, more than bookmarks!" In one last attempt, he cries, already knowing that it won't bring him back. "Merry Christmas Vince."

**A/N: And on that happy note… Merry Christmas everyone. **

**I do apologise for the death in so many ways! Don't hate me! :'( **


End file.
